No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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