god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
