you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
