summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
