How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
