So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
