i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
