I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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