My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
