Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's JV to your varsity
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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