alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
