I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
