it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
