if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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