You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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