I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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