imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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