I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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