i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
