I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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