there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
