We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize