Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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