she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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