I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
