He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
