yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
