the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
