Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
