**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize