Will you blow on my dice?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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