I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
