I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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