Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
