There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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