I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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