Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
