That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
