All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize