never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
