I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
