i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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