I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
