I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
