A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
