somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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