then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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