if only i could text you this smell
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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