I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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