barbara walters just said penis...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
