mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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