I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
