finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
