My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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