She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Soap is not a condiment
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
