It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
