when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
