News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
