girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
