Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
