We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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