She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
