If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish I only lived at night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
