Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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