whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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