spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
