3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize