I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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