glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
