i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
