i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
