I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize