apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize