wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
