I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
