the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
