the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
