this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A bitchslap is in order.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
