I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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