mondays should just be called national damage control day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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