You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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