I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
