great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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