i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
