so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
