Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
