There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
