My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
