The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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