just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
someone owes me an orgasm
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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