please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize