we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Randomize
